And as we catch up, all I feel are tears trickling down my face..

I cringe because I’m lost once again.

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Father, I am praying so desperately for Your guidance, your wisdom, your comfort and peace.. I pray for all these ungodly thoughts in my mind to be lifted, that all my ways will conform to Your ways, and that all that I do is with one purpose – and that is to please You and glorify You. With all that said, I am THANKFUL. Thankful that no matter what I’m going through, You know. Thankful that you are so forgiving when I come back to you after straying away. Thankful that You will always give me comfort when I’m a wreck. I’ve said this so many times before, but I can’t say thank You enough.. For counting me worthy to be your child. For redeeming me from my sins. So God, I just pray that You will mold me and use me so that Your name may be exalted.

Hmm… Okay, okay. Here we go:

Three months ago, God unexpectedly dropped a job into my lap as a vet assistant. I loved my job because of the late starts (giving me time to take care of the puppies in the morning, and to go to church before work), being able to come in contact with so many animals and seeing the vets so passionate about what they’re doing, and having such funny and lively colleagues. Things moved on quicker than I’d expected though. The new clinic that I was hired for was almost complete in renovations so I was sent over to help set it up – arranging shelves, products, medications, cleaning up etc. In my mind, I thought I was still going back to the clinic I trained in for further training, but it turned out I wasn’t going back…

With transferring to the new clinic, a few things changed. Working hours became 10am-9pm. with a two hour lunch break - we were supposed to get two days off but there weren’t enough people to rotate around so we ended up working 6 days a week (at least we get paid OT, I guess…). I was also given the keys to the clinic (two weeks into my job, booyah! Haha) – which also means I have to come in earlier to set up the clinic before it opens each day… Lastly, since this is a new clinic, people flow is slow most of the time, so most of the time is passed by cleaning, excessively checking my email, watching youtube videos, snacking, napping and doing devos. Lunch breaks were spent tanning and swimming, or shopping at a neaby mall. Living the life, huh?

Eventually, I came to realise that this isn’t what I want to spend my time and energy persuing. I love interacting with the clients, and serving them, but I don’t feel comfortable with a lot of things at work. Due to the conflict in values of this industry with God’s value and standards, I decided to (half-heartedly) look for another job.. And a job I did find – unwittingly from a youtube makeup guru’s facebook fan page. I applied to it, not really thinking much because I honestly didn’t think I’d get the job anyway. The next day I got a call to go in for an interview. WHAT?! I didn’t think I did well in the interview, but I got an email back with a job offer. DOUBLE WHAT?!

And then I was stuck. Should I switch jobs? Objectively speaking, working hours, benefits, location and environment of the new job are far superior to this job. And its in an industry that I’ve only DREAMED of stepping foot into. But I also thought, what about this clinic? Wouldn’t it be super jerk to leave, knowing that they’re short on people?? My gut was seriously telling me to decline the offer.

But, as the saying goes, “everything comes to an end.” After consulting many others, and receiving much wise advice, I turned against my gut feeling and made a decision. Thus, my chapter here working as a vet assistant is coming close to its end. Although my time here was short, I’ve seen and learnt a lot about the “real world”. I am also so, so, SO grateful, because God has used this opportunity to reveal a glimpse of where my strength lies, and now I have a better idea of what paths I can potentially take.

Oh right, my new job? Customer service relations and accounts at a post-production company – I’ll also get to learn how to use different graphics software and such :D Exciting stuff!

Uhhh… yeah, that is all. Sorry, this was long-winded. I know…

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helloooo, WEEKENDS!

Normally, I get the pups to sit before letting them out of their crates. Muji usually does so before I even ask her to, but simply refused to do so today. On top of that, the corner of her mat was strangely flipped over (she hasn’t done that in a while) and she had an incredibly guilty look on her face. In the end, I was too pressed for time, so I just let her out. Then I rearranged her mat, only to discover that she flipped part of it over to cover up her pee…

My dear, how do you expect me to react to that? Wasn’t even sure if I was supposed to be mad or laugh..

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you make my mundane life so colourful

–Matthew 6:31-33

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And how true is that? I’ve been praying for guidance in life (or more like, “GOD PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB SO I DON’T WASTE MY LIFE AWAY!!!!!!!!!”) … Days turned into weeks into months. Nothing. Drive to search dwindles. Then, out of nowhere, I landed a job. Truly a humbling experience, especially when I was so desperately seeking — in the wrong field.

Long story short: I learnt of a job opportunity, got an interview and got the job offer in a span of 6hrs! It happened so fast, and so unexpectedly! But praise be to God, for He is always so faithful and always providing for our needs in His time!

Long story: My dad called me at noon on Saturday and told me of this opportunity at a vet clinic because there’s a vet renting one of the properties belonging to my dad’s friend, so I said yes. He calls me back in ten minutes telling me that my interview is at 3PM! I was thinking, “what the heck!??!!” since I was half expecting it to happen, earliest, next week. Not that I’m going to kvetch (learnt that word from engadget!), I went and got interviewed. At first I wasn’t sure if I’d get the job because I don’t have the experience – also because he said I give him the feeling that I’m still searching for something and I don’t know what I want yet. BUT he proceeded to saying that he’s willing to give me a chance because he knows that sometimes, a person just needs that “someone” to give them a chance and help them head towards doing greater things. And he wants to help me. At that point I was so touched and knew that this guy was very down to earth. Not to mention that he views animal welfare VERY highly, which is rare in Hong Kong where a lot of vets are all about the $$$$$$ and scams – he told me he’d rather refer the client to somewhere he knows the animal would get better treatment than to take on the case.

Funny thing though, because before I met the vet, in my mind the he would look like this – fair-skinned, cleanly shaven, neat haircut, white robe and still young.. BUT INSTEAD, I was greeted by a middle-aged man, with a dark tan, shoulder length hair in a PONY TAIL, scruffy beard (didn’t know Asians can grow that), t-shirt tucked into his shorts, long socks and running shoes, sunglasses and cap, holding a bottle of coke (first thought… woah, Australian stereotype: CHECK)

Oh and the vet is totally hilarious …… last thing he said to me after the interview was .. “You know.. you jumped the line. I have 100+ applications but I saw you first by special request of my landlord :P” Guilt trip much? Haha..

Only a few downsides being:

1. Working through Saturday and Sunday, with either Wednesday or Thursday off – how will I go to church? CG?
2. It’s probably 2hrs away from me – today when the vet called back to confirm my position (vet assistant!), I asked him if he knew how to get to the vet clinic and he said, “Oh it’s easy! You live in BV right? Just walk out to the main road, raise your hand and catch a cab!” … total dead air for a good 5 seconds. Then he chuckled, “HAHA, just kidding!! I don’t know ‘cause I drive to work” … Very witty … NAHT.
3. No bank holidays = only 11 days off in terms of public holidays
4. Who’s going to take care of the puppies during the day?!

Oh right, I just got a call from the clinic to confirm my working hours. I’m supposed to start today (June 1) but turns out, my first day of work is my day off (they decided that I get Wednesdays off). I guess it puts a fitting end to my saga of bizarre job interviews… Also, I shall be working 3-10PM, meaning I can stay home in the morning to take care of the pups and I can make it to regular service! The only thing I have to sacrifice is CG, but that’s a lot less than I thought I’d have to give up… One last thing. Out of curiosity, I went on an excursion to test out the route with the least transfers and it turns out that it only takes 1hr15mins to get there rather than the two I predicted. BONUS.

All that aside, I am so very thankful for this blessing that God dropped into my lap, even when I wasn’t actively seeking for a job. And so perfectly accommodating all my needs and worries. It happened with such perfect timing too – AFTER finding my reignited passion for animals (for obvious reasons). The only thing I can pray for is that I will be a good witness to His Glory in this new workplace, and be fully equipped with the tools to do so.

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With that, I bid thee farewell, my freedom.

“I told you so.”

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I should’ve listened.

—-

I’ve never been keen on valentine’s day, this year was no different. And even more so, for obvious reasons. So, on this day, I decided I would escape all the commercialism and over-publicised, barf-inducing (lol) displays of affection by going to China with my extended family.  I mean, what can a day in China do, right? (Apart from me actually thinking that I might not make it back to Hong Kong alive)

The day was spent eating for cheap, getting massaged for cheap, and shopping for cheap. Little did I expect that this impulse decision would lead into something more… profound. God once again reached the depths of my heart.

I have to say, there are people in my extended family that I have never enjoyed the company of, due to certain characters traits that they possess, and in-turn I have been blinded by prejudice towards them. Either that or I just can’t find the right words to say to start a conversation with them. To make things worse, I would try to avoid any interactions with them if they were present at giant family gatherings (read: CNY) – thus, awkward situation neutralised (yes, I am amazingly simple-minded). However, on this trip, my attitude towards these people changed. I don’t think I would have seen this coming in a thousand years. I actually opened up to them and showed them love. And to my surprise, they actually responded back.  On the journey home, I mulled over how something so unexpected could happen… and then it dawned on me that God had prepared me for this since long before I even gave thought about it. I had previously signed up for daily bible verses to be emailed to me, and last week was all on love (due to the upcoming of Valentine’s Day). Through these verses, I was reminded of God’s love for us and how we should show that love to everyone around us – so, by the end of the week my heart had already been softened…

God has always taught us to “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, … And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them” (Luke 6:27-31). Today I finally was able to apply what He has taught – to show someone love even though you don’t necessarily… like them. And indeed, as promised, “then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High” (Luke 6:35).

In this case… He granted me reconciliation with my family. Something that has been on my heart since.. forever. Because I could not rid myself of the guilt of being apathetic towards my family.

…

As I share the previous thoughts with my brother the other night, and we both agreed that this love is indeed what scripture continually teaches us to spread. What really surprised me was that rather than identifying our difference in religion, my brother identified us as Christ Followers. I think my jaw dropped. But without breaking stride, we continued talking.

As we talked, the conversation naturally flowed to talking about my previous relationship. I was telling him how it didn’t sit well although logically I knew that the decision to become just friends was the most God honouring thing to do. As he consoled me, he also said this to me:

Maybe God helped you to remove the distraction of each other so that you could focus on growing closer to Him… especially with you  leaving Canada… it lifts a whole burden and its complications off both of your shoulders …

At that moment, I was dumbfounded. And then it clicked. I can’t believe this whole time I was so focused on the fact that the decision was the most God honouring .. and in-turn, ironically, I was being self-centred… No wonder until now the decision didn’t sit well. At this point, I couldn’t help but think how amazing God is, to have used my brother  to help me refocus on the right reason for the decision. And on top of that, despite my constant questioning of where I should really be, through this breakthrough with my brother, God has confirmed His will for me to be in Hong Kong to minister to my family.

At the end of all of this, I realise that my pride had been holding me back from fully reaching out to God, and I am truly humbled by how God has reached down to liberate me from this pride and directed me back on track. With this humility and peace, I am ready to let go of thinking that there is a chance to get back together, and ready to let go of my attachment to Canada. I will bring my heart back to where I am and let God take the lead in my life. So, dear God, use me as Your tool, so that Your kingdom may be glorified, forever and ever.

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Phew. What a Valentine’s it has been.
Who knew a trip to China alone would have made such an impact?

ARGH@!@#$%^&** STOP IT!!!!!

—

definitely expected to have the loneliest Christmas ever..
..but I was so wrong.

Thank You, God, for reaching Your hands out to me
Thank You, God, for the best Christmas gift ever

but i’m ashamed to say that a lot of times, i forget…

all i want to do is leave this country

focus focus focus…